Sunday, January 31, 2010

IVF Orientation

On Thursday night (the same day as our IUI treatment) Hubby and I attended an IVF (in-vitro fertilization) information night. Our Fertility Clinic requires that all couples attend an information session before you can move forward with IVF treatment. We booked it 2 months ago so it was a coincidence that it fell on the same day as our IUI.

I don't think that either of us was looking forward to going. I've already learned a lot about IVF from the internet and my online friends. I didn't like the idea of being stuck in a small room with other people for 3 hours listening to someone go on and on about it.

The session was held in a lecture hall at the hospital. We figure that there was at least 50 couples there! That surprised me, they run these sessions every 2 weeks - how many infertile couples in our city can there be? It turns out at least 1/2 of the couples were in from out of town - many from several provinces over. Our clinic comes highly recommended in Canada.

Of course every classroom has one class clown. I'm all for asking questions if you're unsure, but this guy was embarrassing everyone - including the doctor! If nothing else, he gave Hubby and I something to chuckle over.

The bottom line: Hubby learned a lot about the IVF procedure. I learned that I really don't want to have to go through IVF if possible (I'm really, really hoping that the IUI worked). We invested $250 and 3 hours to bring us one step closer to treatment (if we need it).

Friday, January 29, 2010

IUI, Acupuncture, and IVF - Oh My!

That was my day yesterday! That's a lot of TTC activities in one day.

Yesterday morning we had our IUI. Hubby went in at 7:30 am to give his specimen. On my way out the door in the morning I told him to "aim straight". He reported to me later that he didn't spill a drop. He also made several comments about the Clinic's porn selection - but that's for another post!

I went in at 10:30 am for the IUI. The nurse showed me this tiny vial with a purple liquid in it and assured me that there were 14 million of Hubby's best in there. This looked nothing like I was used to seeing! The IUI went really well. I didn't even feel her insert the catheter - which I hope means that my cervix was nice and open! The nurse said that we have to "make love" tonight and tomorrow. (I always chuckle when they say "make love" - just say "have sex" we can handle it.)

Then it was back to work for the rest of the day - I was barely focused all week as it was, but now I had to finish out the day like nothing had happened??? I was trying to visualize the swimmers getting to where they needed to be - I wasn't trying to think about our clients' needs.

At 4pm I went to see Dr. A for an acupuncture treatment. He said that I'm not to come back until I'm 5 weeks pregnant or when AF shows. I told him after that I will "see him in 3 weeks" and he said "I hope so". I'm trying to think positive here!

At 7pm Hubby and I attended the IVF orientation class. It was nothing like I had expected. I figured there would be maybe 10 couples there. It was held in a lecture hall at the hospital and there was about 50 couples there! I'm proud to say that I really didn't learn anything new (thanks to all of my internet IF friends), but I think that Hubby did. I left the class with a strong desire to not have to do IVF. I'm really hoping that I get pregnant this cycle and I won't have to worry about it!

I will write another post all about the orientation class this weekend.

But our day wasn't over. Even though we didn't get home until 10 pm, we still had to "make love". I don't think that either of us was too thrilled with the prospect. Hubby said that he was out of swimmers so why bother? But we persevered and followed the nurse's instructions.

This is going to be a long 2 week wait!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wordless Wednesday - Where you go for an IUI?

*Thanks to Engrish Funny for a timely photo!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

IUI's a Coming

This is the week for our big IUI appointment. Although I use the term "appointment" rather loosely since we have no idea what day we'll be going in for the procedure. That's not easy for a planner like me. I've had to block off the mornings in my calendar so no one books any meetings with me at work - just in case.

We were instructed to have sex today and then Hubby has to abstain until the big day. I don't have to abstain, but without him what's the point? She-Bopping will not get be pregnant!

Since last cycle I ovulated on CD12 and I have ovulated as late as CD17 we have no idea how long poor Hubby will have to hold out.

Starting tomorrow I will start testing using OPKs. Since I usually ovulate the same day as my surge, I've opted to test twice a day. Once during the day (at work) and again when I get home. As soon as I see the spike, I need to call the fertility clinic to book our IUI for the next day.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I so want this work so that we can stop TTC and finally be pregnant again. But, after 21 failed cycles I have a heavy dose of reality as well.

If it works do I tell my future child that s/he was conceived in a doctor's office? Do I mention that his/her daddy wasn't even there at the moment of conception (we will be going in 3 hours apart)? Of course we plan to BD on our own after the IUI as well. And I'm also asking myself, if this doesn't work - now what?

I will keep you posted!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Worst Advice

I was reading Kate's post about relaxing and it definitely got me to thinking about the advice that I've received from well meaning friends about TTC. I do need to say that we have not announced to the world that we are TTC or that we are infertile, and only a select few know about our miscarriage. Even so, I'm not immune to bad advice.

One close friend of mine (who lucky for her is uber-fertile) told me to "just have lots of sex". Like we haven't already tried that. I think my actual response was "Oh, you mean we have to have sex to get pregnant? Why did no one tell us that?" Imagine that in a really sarcastic tone of voice and it will be like you were there.

I haven't talked to a lot of people about our infertility. I have met many other women online and they have been more open about their struggles in real life. This is some of the worst advice and comments that they have heard:
  • at least you and DH get to spend more time with just you two. A baby takes up so much time.
  • God will bring you a baby when you are ready for it
  • at least you don't have to worry about an "oops"
  • you're so lucky you can spend money on X, once you have a baby you won't be able to afford that
  • Shouldn't you just pray about it harder? I really think if you just prayed and really believed, God will answer
  • You need to adopt and then you'll get pregnant!
  • If something is wrong and you need medical assistance, maybe you aren't healthy enough to have a baby
And that is just a snippet of the types of comments that us Infertiles have to endure.

I don't know if I could go through this process without the support of my new friends that I have made online. My IF sisters. You are what keeps me going!

What are some of the comments / suggestions that you have heard while TTC or dealing with infertility and/or loss?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Wordless Wednesday - Migraine!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Tell It Like It Is Tuesday

Last week Claire over at Fertility Authority tagged me in her post about celebrities and infertility.

As you probably remember I wrote my own post on this topic a couple of weeks ago as well.

What do you think? Should celebrities come forward and publicly discuss their own fertility, or should we believe that there's something in the water in Beverly Hills that allows aging stars the ability to get pregnant on their own and that causes an increase in fraternal twins? I mean if that's the case someone should bottle it and sell it. Us infertiles would pay good money for that water.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Please Help

In January 2009 I was in Haiti for a day. We were on a cruise and one of the stops was in Haiti. We were on the opposite side of the island from Port Au Prince and I didn't get to experience a lot (actually any) of Haitian culture. But we did take a walking tour and our tour guide was really good at telling us about the history of the country.

I've also met several Haitians here in Canada. I attended a French Immersion school and we often had substitute teachers from Haiti.

I'm first to admit that I don't know a lot about Haiti and it's not high on my list of "must see" places. Even so, my heart goes out to those who have lost everything. Their homes, their families, their livelihood, etc.

The other night (coincidentally the night before the earthquake) I was reading about the devastation of the earthquake that hit Pakistan 2 years ago. The author said that aid was pouring in from around the world, but no one really took charge and organized it so that the people were getting the aid that they truly needed. Many of the far reaching villages that were isolated never received any aid. I hope that the people of Haiti get the aid that they need and that no one is left without.

The Canadian government is going to match all private donations. Here are some ways that you can help:

Another Day, Another Cycle

AF is finally here! I don't know about you, but once I know that a cycle is a bust I want her to show up so I can get started on the next cycle ASAP. This is cycle #22 of actively TTC. I can't believe it's taking so long.

I called in to the fertility clinic's period hotline today and said that we want to do an IUI this cycle. Does anyone else find it funny that they have a period hotline. Imagine the poor person whose job it is to check those messages every day.

I'm going for another acupuncture session on Friday, and he said that he wants to see me at least twice more after that before I ovulate.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wordless Wednesday - Big FAT Negative

Monday, January 11, 2010

Naturopath - 2nd Visit

Today was my 2nd appointment with my naturopath, Dr. A. Let me start off by saying how wonderful it is. I was halfway through our discussion about my chart when it hit me that I was openly discussing my cervical mucous and position with a man! I don't even discuss this with Hubby because he "doesn't want to hear about it. Just tell me when it's go time".

I had e-mailed Dr. A. after seeing the RE and getting some of my test results back. I also told him about signing up for IVF and planning for an IUI. He definitely thinks that we should keep trying with out medical intervention for a few more cycles. Sorry Dr. A I'm not getting any younger here.

He is impressed that my overall temps are coming up. But since we are planning to do an IUI next cycle he wants to get more aggressive. So this is what my next cycle will potentially look like:
CD 1 - acupuncture with Dr. A
CD 3 - FSH test for RE as well as blood work for IVF
CD 3 - 7 - Clomid
CD 7 - acupuncture with Dr. A
CD 13 - Acupuncture with Dr. A
CD 14 - IUI
CD 15 - Acupuncture with Dr. A

I'm beginning to wonder when I'll find the time to be at the office! I'm going to have to be really productive when I am there.

Now all this is assuming that my current cycle is a bust. I still have some hope, in fact I *almost* tested today. But clearer senses prevailed and I did not. The fear of a BFN is much greater than the hope for a BFP.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Celebrities & Infertility

US weekly recently posted this article about Jennifer Lopez. In it she talks about how she would never have turned to IVF because: "Just because of the way I was raised. And I also believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just felt like you don't mess with things like that."

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs, but this artic
le annoyed me. Many believe that JLo received some sort of fertility treatments to conceive her twins, so why hide it? I think that infertility is still considered by so many to be a "taboo" topic. Heck, even I blog here anonymously.

Perhaps if more celebrities were open about their own fertility struggles then it would be easier for people like me to be open as well. Instead what we see is a horde of young celebrities getting pregnant without trying (do you hear me Ashlee Simpson - I'm talking about you - and you too Nicole Richie).

Knowing that Nicole Kidman had suffered a miscarriage kind of made me see her in a different light. Sure she's an actress, but now she was more of a person to me. She was real.

Courtney Cox has talked some about her infertility struggles too.

I think too often the media glamorizes the celebs so much that all we picture when we think of them is luxury cars, mansions, private jets, and vacations in Cabo. They're so far removed from our own lives that we don't see them as being people.

So to those celebs who have been open and honest with their fertility problems and treatments, I thank you!

Nicole, Courtney, Celine (Dion), and Gilda (Radner) - thank you!

Here are a couple of other articles that list some celebs with known fertility problems:

Friday, January 8, 2010

F*ck it Friday

My temperature dropped again today. I'm 9 DPO and I'm pretty sure that my "lucky blackjack cycle" is a bust. Crap.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Regrets - I've Had A Few

Okay, who am I kidding? I've had way more than a few regrets in life. There are many moments that I would love a "do-over" for. But this post is about my regrets while trying to conceive and the 2 week wait.

Unfortunately for me, it takes me a long time to get pregnant. That's a lot of time to look back upon and reflect on things. So yes, if I had to do things over there are definitely some things that I would do differently.

For instance:
I would no longer avoid some events because I *might* be pregnant. I have avoided skiing, boating, and even golfing - just in case. In fact, we also stopped planning trips in advance, taking away all of the excitement and anticipation of getting away from it all. It seems that somewhere along the way we stopped living our lives because we were TTC.

I would not look at what my EDD would be at the start of each cycle. This just opens up a big can of false hope. You know the kind - I see that my EDD is in November and then I start to picture what my life will be like for the rest of the year - the summer weddings with a baby bump, shopping for new clothes for my growing belly, figuring out when my last day of work will be, etc. When AF shows at the end of each cycle all those dreams just fly right out the window!

And I would definitely not avoid buying new clothes! This is really pragmatic of me. You see there's no sense in buying a new pair of pants, because obviously I'm going to get my BFP this cycle and then they won't fit in a few months. What a waste! However the results of being pragmatic means that I hate everything in my closet!

I would not have bought a fertility monitor. At least not the one that I did. There's really nothing wrong with it, but it gets pretty pricey buying all of the test sticks over and over. Instead I would have bought an Ovacue monitor. And I wouldn't have waited until we had been TTC for nearly a year to buy it. Do you have any idea how much I have spent along the way on OPKs and test sticks? It's a good thing I haven't bought new clothes in nearly 2 years!

Well, that's all that comes to mind at the moment. What are some of your regrets? Come on, I know you have some. Let's all share!

Edited to Add:
This is a big regret that I forgot about when I originally wrote this post. I regret not finding a new job. Or I should say I regret not looking for a new job. When I had my miscarriage I really lost my mojo at work. But let's face it, back then the economy was booming! I work on commission so I was earning lots of money. It's a lot easier to stay at a job that you're not 100% happy with when you're making good money. Plus, even when you're not happy at work, you can tough it out for nine more months. When I realized that I really should move on, the economy had changed. It was a bad time to change jobs. Plus I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Reflections of the Decade

10 Things That I Learned In The Past 10 Years:
  1. Getting pregnant is really not as simple as sperm meets egg
  2. It hurts as much to lose a pet as an adult as it does when you're a child (maybe even more)
  3. It's always a good idea to have some money in the bank for a rainy day (or a recession)
  4. No matter what someone's beliefs are, they think that their beliefs are the "right" ones and that everyone else is "wrong"
  5. A miscarriage is a big deal. A very big deal.
  6. Having sore boobs does not mean that you are pregnant
  7. The internet is a great place to meet new friends
  8. It's okay to have a little grey hair
  9. If you've had a bad day a cuddle with your cat makes you feel better
  10. Cooking for yourself is cheaper and tastes much, much better. It's healthier too!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Enough Already - I'm Starting to Blush!

Roxanne, you may be directly responsible for giving me an ego. In one day she nominated me for 2 awards (granted that was over a month ago, I'm just a little behind in my posts).

First she awarded me with the Lemonade award, and now the Kreativ Blogger award!

Rules for this award:
  • Share 7 things you don't know about me.
  • Name 7 other blogs to receive this award.
  • Leave a comment on each of their blogs I nominated.
  • Thank the person who gave you the award.
7 Things you don't know about me:
  1. I crochet baby afghans. I have for years, even before we were TTC. I try to crochet an afghan for each of my friends as they have a baby. If they're lucky, and time permits, I'll make one for each child.
  2. I was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Go ahead, try saying that 3 times fast! I'm proud of my prairie roots but have no plans to ever move back.
  3. I tried snowboarding. I sucked at it. When I nearly broke my tailbone I gave it up - forever!
  4. I wrote my Honours Thesis comparing the different theories of Human Evolution. I got an "A".
  5. I now work as an Outside Sales rep. No relation whatsoever to my undergraduate studies.
  6. The letter "E" on my keyboard is wearing off. Only the letter "E". I often wonder if I type a lot of "E"'s? EEEEEEEeeeeeee
  7. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. No, I will not show you.
7 Other blogs deserving of this award:
This time I will follow the rules. Here are some other TTC / infertility blogs that I follow:
  1. Busted Plumbing - Great writing, great graphics, and great giveaways too!
  2. In The Name of The Father - AKA Infertility Guy - infertility is not just for us gals.
  3. Womb For Improvement - I have to love her. She also spells colour with a "u"
  4. Everything Happens for a Reason - Daytona Tuesdays, need I say more
  5. Bottoms On & Off the Table - Check out her "Infertility Hope-O-Meter"
  6. Ambivalent Womb - She just says it like it is
  7. Chasing Pitter Patters - She just came back from an amazing tropical vacation where monkeys (real live monkeys) would visit her room. By all rights I should hate her as I watch our mercury drop, but she's just too lovable. Real monkeys, imagine that.

Thanks again Roxanne. I'm glad that you have enjoyed reading! I have enjoyed writing as well.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Another Award

This has been in my draft posts for quite some time now. I'm embarrassed that I never got around to posting it sooner.

Thank you to Roxanne at The Quest for Baby Hang for honouring me with the Lemonade award.
Like I said in my "Superior Scribbler" post, the internet has been a huge support and inspiration for me while TTC. I can't believe that I have over 200 followers on Twitter already. What this tells me is that there is a huge percentage of the population who is TTC and/or experiencing infertility. I'm glad that we have somewhere that we can connect. I, for one, would not be as comfortable talking to someone face to face about cervical mucous!

The rules for this award:
  • Put Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
  • Link the nominees within your post.
  • Let the nominees know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award from.

I am going to break the rules here (I know, shocking!). As I started to nominate 10 blogs, I realized that they have already been awarded this esteemed award (nothing like coming late to a party). So if you are reading this - please take a look also at my blogroll in the sidebar. Those are all great blogs and are worthy of a look. I hope that this doesn't disqualify me (either way I'm not giving it back).

Sunday, January 3, 2010

You Will Get Your BFP In Due Time

For some TTC is a simple process. You toss the birth control, have unprotected sex, and nine months later you have your baby. For some of us, it's not so simple. But why should we wait to find out when we're going to have a baby and what sex the baby will be?

The internet is abound with psychics and mediums ready and willing to take your money to tell you all about how your TTC journey will end. Many will overcharge and under-deliver. It's important that if you decide to send anyone your hard earned cash that you understand that it's just for fun.

While I would caution you against trusting anyone that you don't know, I have gone ahead and purchased a couple of readings!

Cheri is a fellow Canuck who does baby predictions. On her blog she gives us all tips to improve our own psychic abilities. I purchased a reading from her in December 2008 (she also does free readings). This is what she had to say:

They show you having a GIRL and they relate her to MARCH so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in.

As you can see she didn't say which year I could expect my March BFP. 2009 it wasn't. Maybe it will be 2010 (although I hope to get it sooner than that!).

I also got a reading from Brooke777 this past summer. This one was a free reading. Brooke had this to tell me when I asked when I was going to get my BFP:

I'm getting BY the end of Sept for conception or BFP. A BOY.

September came and went and as you know, no BFP. Ah well. You get what you pay for.

Like I said this is for fun. Their predictions may or may not be accurate,but at least you'll have something to say to your Mother In Law when she asks you when she can expect a grandchild.

If you have had a reading, or if you get a reading, I'd love to know what they told you. Please leave your reading in a comment.

Have fun!

Friday, January 1, 2010

It's A New Year!

While 2009 doesn't leave with a lot of happy memories (lay off, infertility), it was a much better year than 2008 was (miscarriage). By my reasoning, then 2010 will continue the trend and be a much better year than 2009 was. Right?

I start 2010 in the 2WW of my first Clomid cycle. Our timing wasn't the best since I ovulated a little early this cycle, but there's still a chance. Wouldn't it be fantastic to start 2010 with a BFP? I'm so hesitant to get my hopes up, but I'm excited about the prospect too!

To all of my infertile friends: May we all get our long awaited, much desired BFP in 2010!

Happy New Year!

My Chart

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