I haven't been a very good blogger this week. The truth is that we didn't get a lot of good news so I retreated into a spiral of self pity.
Our egg retrieval was on Sunday. They were able to retrieve 24 eggs! I was elated. Before we left the clinic the embryologist said that 20 of them looked mature. She said that given that we had gotten pregnant on our own 2 years ago, she was confident that we wouldn't need to do ICSI.
A couple of hours later she called. Unfortunately Hubby's sperm sample had a much lower concentration than previous samples so she strongly urged us to consider ICSI. We agreed without hesitation. I figured that we would get a much higher fertilization rate this way.
The next day she called to say that of the 24 eggs originally retrieved, 19 were mature. Of the 19, 13 were fertilized. While I was hoping for a higher number I still figured that 13 was pretty good!
She called again on Tuesday. This was not good news. Of our 13 embryos 5 were falling apart and the remaining 8 were graded poor to medium. She was not confident that we would have any to freeze and she was pushing for a Day 3 transfer.
Then she called me back about an hour later. The RE's discussed my case and they were worried that I was at risk for OHSS due to my high estrogen levels pre-retrieval. If this is the case, they would cancel the transfer and all of this would have been for nothing. I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling at this point. It was a combination of despair, depression, anger, rage, and deflated.
We just spend $12,000, I went through daily injections, I was bloated and uncomfortable, we were told that IVF was our best shot and now it may be cancelled and we wouldn't even have any embryos to freeze. What a cruel, cruel joke this was. Mother Nature you can be a right bitch sometimes.
The RE's compromised and had me come in to the clinic at 7:30am on Wednesday morning for another date with Wandy. I spent all day Tuesday drinking Gatorade in hopes that it would help me with the bloating (it did). At the appointment the RE said that there was some fluid in my abdomen and there is a chance that I could develop OHSS, but given the state of my embryos, he suggested that we go ahead with the transfer and he even suggested that we transfer 3. Since they rarely transfer more than 1 at this clinic I knew that things were not good.
We went back to the clinic at noon for the transfer. We did transfer 3 embryos. The rest the embryologist will keep an eye on to see how they develop and if they improve they will freeze them.
So now we wait. I have a pregnancy test scheduled for April 17th.
At this point if none of our embryos stick then I may give up on TTC. It seems that our problem is that when our DNA gets together it doesn't go well. I want to get on with my life and stop worrying about TTC and the 2WW, etc. Maybe if we were 10 years younger I'd keep trying, but at this point I simply want to have a life again.
So please, if it's not too much to ask, keep your fingers crossed and the prayers coming. I appreciate them more than you know. I'm doing what I can do to encourage our embryos to grab hold of my uterus and stick around for another 38 weeks.