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Friday, April 16, 2010

Paranoid

I know that I didn't feel this way during my last pregnancy but it's understandable why I feel this way for this pregnancy. The first pregnancy was all sunshine and roses at first. Sure I knew that there was a chance of a miscarriage - but those things happen to other people not me, right?


This time around I'm so cautious and paranoid. This is our last chance to be parents. This child is wanted and is loved and the thought of losing it is heartbreaking.

Since they haven't scheduled me for beta tests or an ultrasound yet I have to take matters into my own hands. I have tons of home pregnancy tests that I've never used, so I'm using them now. If that second line keeps getting darker then it stands to reason that my HCG levels are indeed rising.

When you're infertile you give up a lot of control. So now I'm taking it back! Behold my pee tests from this week! (and note the awesome chart that I made to keep them in order).

The fact that the line is getting darker is comforting. I know that I won't be able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy until I see a heartbeat on an ultrasound, but for now, this helps.


5 comments:

Malinda said...

that is EXACTLY something that I would do! chart and all.

My ND who tried for two years to conceive took a pregnancy test every week for the first two months... so keep on POAS

Alex said...

Those are beautiful, continually darkening tests! That is so very cool. And I would do the same thing... :)

tulgey-wood said...

Unfortunatley that feeling never goes away. My first pregnancy was sunshine and roses too, but this time, even after 2 ultrasounds and 15 weeks, I still feel like everything is "up in the air". So *Hugs* because I understand. But your pee sticks look AWESOME!

Alice aka Alicenwonderland

rebecca said...

Those are absolutely definitively positive lines!!! Congratulations!!!

Michael & Amanda Soape said...

OMG I"m sooooooo excited for you. When is the first sono or lab tests scheduled? I can't wait. I know how you feel and I have to agree with the others...it never goes away but it does let up a little after awhile. I'm praying hard for your little miracle!

My Chart

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