Today marks a milestone of my pregnancy. It was on this exact day of my last pregnancy that I had my miscarriage. To get past this day with a baby in my uterus is a victory of sorts for me.
The 9th week of my last pregnancy is burned into my mind forever. On Sunday I went to IKEA with my parents who were in town. That night I was spotting a bit of brown blood. I assumed that I had overdone it a bit and decided to take things easier. On Monday I was still spotting and was starting to get worried. On Tuesday I called my Drs office and was assured that as long as the spotting was brown, things were fine.
Thursday morning I awoke to lots of bright red blood. It was as if my period had started. I waited for Hubby to get up and we went to the ER. In the hospital they confirmed that my baby had died and had no heartbeat. They gave me some percocets, but didn't really prepare me for what was yet to come. It was snowing that day, we missed all of the snow 'cause we were in the hospital for about 6 hours and by the time we left it was sunny again and the snow was already melting.
On Friday, only 3 hours before my appointment with the pregnancy loss clinic, I had my miscarriage at home. I was so unprepared! On t.v. and in the movies they don't really show that you will go through a full labour before emptying your uterus. I took all 6 percocets that morning and they did nothing, absolutely nothing, to numb the pain.
By noon, it was all over. I was no longer pregnant. I would continue to bleed for about another 5 days. I walked around in a sort of stupor that next week. While my mind and my memories of the week prior to the miscarriage are clear, they are completely foggy for the following week.
So here I am, over 2 years later, at 9w6d again. This time there has been no spotting (although I'm sure that the progesterone supplements that I'm on are helping with that) and I feel completely different this time around.
You could day that I feel cautiously optimistic right now. I'm not prepared to let down my guard and completely relax, not yet. Hopefully soon.
If nothing else, I will know that by noon today, this will be my longest pregnancy ever (so far). And of course with this pregnancy I have already seen my baby and I have confirmation of a heartbeat. Nothing with this pregnancy has been the same as my previous one and, especially in this case, change is good.