This morning while lying in bed thinking of reasons not to get up (as always, my bladder won - its entirely incapable of having a rational argument), I got to thinking about all of the losses that my Internet friends have experienced lately. Some of them past 20 weeks of pregnancy.
With this pregnancy I've tried to get excited as I reach various milestones (seeing the heartbeat, making it past my loss date, a successful NT scan, finishing the 1st trimester), but I truly can't get excited. So much can still happen. I haven't felt the baby move yet (usually happens between 16 - 20 weeks), and I know that this is the next milestone that I am reaching for.
By all accounts this has been a successful and uneventful pregnancy and I know that I should be thrilled. And truly some small part of me is. But I have seen too much heartache as an Infertile. Do you remember when I posted about Brandi and her most recent loss? Hers was also an uneventful pregnancy.
I didn't intend for this post to be all about my fears - just trust me, they're still here. Back to lying in bed. I got to thinking that the Internet is a blessing and a curse. I've learned so much and met some wonderful people - and I know without them I would have had a hard time moving on from my loss. But it also reminds me that there is so much pain and loss out there. What is it in the Universe that wants some families to have such heartache? And for some repeated heartache?
So this morning I'm all down and pissy about the Universe. Then I jump online and find this post by Brandi. It seems the Universe has given hope back to Brandi and David. And they need it. I think that they have suffered enough and I, for one, am thrilled at the possibility of them finally becoming parents in 2010.