Saturday, December 4, 2010

Losing all Semblance of Control

One thing that I have heard a lot during my pregnancy from friends, colleagues, and even my own doctor is a comment about how relaxed I am about it. I don't care who you are, how many babies you've birthed, or how many books that you have read - the fact is you have no control over anything when you're pregnant.

I've tried to break my pregnancy into small milestones so that I wouldn't freak myself out. I wouldn't even read ahead in any of the pregnancy books. Maybe I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I found it a lot easier to cope that way. Why stress yourself out about something that you can't change anyway?

With a due date so close to Christmas I've managed to not worry about when our baby will be born. So many people have made comments like "it's going to suck having a birthday so close to Christmas", and I've (for the most part) let them slide. I can't control it, so why stress?

If I did have any control I would not have had a miscarriage in 2008. And I certainly would not have chosen to be infertile. Nor would I have decided that the only way to conceive would be via IVF.

So I have made my peace with control. I have no control and I might as well accept that fact. And I have. I realize that there is a very good chance that our baby will be born on Christmas, and you know what? I think that's cool. We can have fun with that.

But now they tell me that they might want to induce me as early as next week! Umm, what? Yeah you see that won't work because I'm all prepared for a Christmas baby. So you're saying that all of the things that I planned to do in the next 2 - 3 weeks I'll have to get done in the next 2 - 3 days? Sorry, no deal.

I have yet another ultrasound on Monday morning and from there I will know my fate. So many women by their 38th week of pregnancy would be begging their doctors for this, not me. I am truly one of those women who is enjoying being pregnant, plus, I have a ton to do this week!


AnGèLe said...

So exciting! I loved being pregnant too! Its amazing!
PS: My bday is Dec does NOT suck having your bday so close to Christmas. The only thing I would say.. make sure people know to wrap those bday gifts in Birthday wrapping paper.. not Christmas! ;) lol
Best of luck at your ultrasound!

Alex said...

Wow! It's getting so close, and may be closer than you thought! I love this post about control. There's so much in this process that we can't control, and I like your reminder.

Anonymous said...

How did you go?? What was your fate?!

Mamablogarama said...

It can get crazy when things are so close and doctors start getting all these crazy ideas, especially when the doctors you are seeing within a practice don't agree with one another. What I don't understand is if they're worried about your baby being small, why induce early? Normally if a baby is 'under weight' they want to keep it growing inside for as long as possible!
I agree with you about stressing out. People also found it strange that I was so calm, and it only seemed to invite them to tell me stories about how I wouldn't be so calm when I had a screaming baby to take care of, and nights would be horrible and filled of screaming and stress. I ignored them and I'm glad I did. Personally, I think you have to be crazy to consider and beautiful baby and stress. I love waking up in the middle of the night for him, holding him close, keeping him calm. Even after he was born people didn't understand why I insisted on breastfeeding instead of dad giving him a bottle at night to 'give myself a break' I am so glad you will get to have the wonderful experience of having a child to love, who will love you back unconditionally. Whenever your baby arrives, I hope all goes well. Good luck, and best wishes!

womb for improvement said...

Seen your tweet. Congratulations! Hope all is going well.

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