Thursday, March 24, 2011

Remembering IVF

Being infertile can really make you feel alone.  Everywhere you go all you see are baby bumps and strollers.  It's a humbling experience.

I remember the day that I went for my HSG.  There were about 8 women there at the same time also waiting for their HSGs.  Finally I was amongst those who understood what I was going through!  Finally a room full of people that I could talk to.  Finally other people IRL (in real life) who know what it is to spend hundreds of dollars on OPKs, HPTs, and vitamins.  Finally others whose sex life is determined by the calendar.  Finally!  And yet, not one word was spoken as we all waited.

Infertility does something to your personality.  You can be the most outgoing, friendly, and chatty people out there until you start to TTC and realize that you are an Infertile.  Then after months, or years, of unsuccessfully TTC you become withdrawn and silent.

I remember one morning as I waited for my appointment with my RE I looked around the waiting room.  It was full of couples of all ages, religions, and colours.  Most would never meet outside of this room.  All were linked by one commonality.  And no one said a word.

When I started my IVF protocol (you can read about it here, here, and here) I had to see the RE every other day.  They took the IVF patients first thing in the morning so I know that all of the women in the waiting room were all going through the exact same thing as me.  Each morning as I waited to be called back for my ultrasound I would try to catch the eye of another woman.  Several times I would see the same women.  Not once did anyone want to make eye contact.

And through it all I never felt completely alone.  For throughout my journey I had tons of support.  Support found on the internet.  Via this blog, Twitter, and Just Mommies.

And now I sit a year later, remembering how lonely the real world can be, and thankful that I live in a time of IVF and the internet.  I know that without either I would not be where I am today.

To my readers who have been there, or who are going there, I hope that you know that you are not alone.  If you can't make eye contact in the waiting room, come online.  We are here to support you no matter what!


Alex said...

This is so sweet! I bet it's strange looking back at your experiences, especially while looking at your little boy.

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