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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Facing Reality

Nathan is 10 months old.  For 10 months I have blissfully pushed aside the facts, but as my maternity leave winds to a close I am forced to now face those facts.  I will have to go back to work.

I am truly blessed to live in a great country that allows for 50 weeks of combined maternity/parental leave.  I am also lucky that my employer will let me take a few more weeks before returning to work on top of that (there's very little point in returning to work in December).  But I don't want to go back!

Staying at home has been challenging.  Just when I think I've got things all figured out, something changes.  Lately Nathan's been waking up several times at night again and refusing to nap during the day.  And as I'm feeding/rocking/bouncing/begging him back to sleep at 3 am I look at the clock and realize that if I was back at work, my alarm clock would be going off in a couple of hours.

Now I have no right to whine or complain - I'm not the first mom to ever face this.  But truly, the thought of having a stranger look after, and raise my son, makes me ill.  I would love to be able to stay home until at least next fall.  Financially I do not think that will be an option.

I'm doing my best to enjoy these final few weeks at home with Nathan, but at the same time I'm beginning the dreaded task of looking for childcare.

How did you do it?

4 comments:

Angela said...

you know me- I didn't! You'd be surprised how little you can live on with a bit of change to your lifestyle. Also, I kept other kids for a while- which can be challenging, but meant that I still got to be home with mine AND not pay day care AND see all their developing AND take them to fun stuff during the day. But you need to do what is right for your family- everyone is different.

Andrea said...

I haven't even had my baby yet and the thought of going back to work makes me want to cry. A year from now I will be staring the same decision in the face...sigh

Good luck!

Sweet Georgia said...

We are in the same boat, my daughter will be 10 months on the 23rd and the countdown is on for going back to work. I live in a major city in Ontario and it is incredibly difficult to find daycare for an infant under 18 months old. I have had G on a waiting list for two different daycares since I was 6 months pregnant. I just called them and they told me they wouldn't be able to tell me if she's in until December. So, I found a new place that had opened up around my house and she is now registered to go there. I hate the idea of having to go back to work, but we cannot do it on one salary. Now that we have things organized I can bury my head and pretend it's not going to happen.

phyjess said...

I see my baby light up when I drop her off at daycare (8 months old now) and she is obviously happy and loved by her teachers. I get comfort that she's being "raised by a village" as it would be in olden times when extended families lived near each other and worked together for childcare. T is developing in leaps and bounds from new learning opportunities every day and plenty of interaction with other children. This is what makes me think I'm doing the right thing. The time may come as she gets older that this balance may change. I'm waiting and ready if instinct tells me that she needs more of Mommy. Then I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Surprisingly it's working out well and beyond expectations. If you try it and it's not right, you'll know it and will move mountains to do what you feel you have to. Trust in yourself! A tip for the beginning, have hubby drop off and you pick up. It's way more fun to pick up and go directly home to snuggle.

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