Monday, February 18, 2013

One & Done?

Nathan turned 2 in December. Most of the moms in my online playroom are now either planning for another, or have already had a second (one is already pregnant with #3). It seems that the only ones who aren't planning another are those who already have more than one, and me.

A part of me is sad that Nathan will not be a big brother, I think he would be great with a little brother, but the reality is that he will be an only child. There are too many reasons to not, compared to only a couple to have another

#1 - I will be 40 next month. Yes, there is a history on both sides of my family for late in life babies (my grandma had my uncle at 41, my great - grandmother had all 3 of her kids after 40). However, my age does not make conception easy.

#2 - We would very likely have to use ART again. Our last experience with IVF was not ideal. We have an amazing son, but no leftover embryos. Plus, the treatments were very hard on my body. Knowing all of this, there's no guarantee that it would even work. I don't have any extra money let alone e $8,000 - $20,000+ that it would cost.

#3 - Money aside, TTC is emotionally very hard. What kind of mom would I be to Nathan if I was on the TTC roller coaster? We have so little time together as it is that I want it to be meaningful.

#4 - So lets's go back to money, kids are expensive. We're barely scraping by now. Daycare costs are killing us. We pay $1200 a month for child care alone, add to that the other general costs (clothing, etc) and we are broke. There's no way that we can afford child care for another child. Nor can one of us afford to stay home.

#5 - Possible loss. There's no way to know if our miscarriage was a one time thing.

And there you have it, a very pragmatic approach to not TTC. Am I convincing you, or me?

I'm definitely okay with being "one & done" but that doesn't mean that pregnancy announcements don't still hurt. It's funny, I always thought that once you conquered infertility that feeling would go away. It doesn't

Not to be a downer, please let me share with you a photo of my awesome dude & his amazing mom:

- Posted from my iPad

Friday, February 15, 2013

Possible Changes Ahead - Thank you Trolls!

If you are reading this I thank you for not abandoning my blog (as I apparently have).  I have no real excuse for not posting more often, at least not one that you have heard a million times already.  The truth is that I really enjoy this blog and my followers and I have been feeling a lot of guilt for neglecting you all.  

Today I decided that I should at least check my inbox, which is even more neglected than my blog.  In it was a very nicely worded letter from a lawyer asking me to remove a comment on this post (which I gladly did).  Apparently the trolls and hackers were more aware of my own blog than me. That's just not right!

I made a conscious decision when I created this blog not to hide my contact information or to moderate the comments.  Now I am rethinking that.  I should be able to write anything I want, without a troll trying to benefit from it.  My review of eSalon (or any other product), is something that I do without compensation or provocation.  If I want to tell you about something, I don't want to have to worry about the comments being potentially libelous.

Moving forward I will be seriously considering changing the security settings on this blog.  However, I also now pledge to be more active on my own page (and will maybe open my inbox more than once a quarter too).

For the record, I am still using eSalon for my hair colour.  I don't colour my hair very often and I always use a non-permanent colour.  Their product is great and I love that it is tailored for me.  I even told my stylist about it and she was very impressed.

Also, I have a partially written post on my iPad that I will endeavour to finish this weekend.

Miss you all!

My Chart

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