Monday, February 18, 2013

One & Done?

Nathan turned 2 in December. Most of the moms in my online playroom are now either planning for another, or have already had a second (one is already pregnant with #3). It seems that the only ones who aren't planning another are those who already have more than one, and me.

A part of me is sad that Nathan will not be a big brother, I think he would be great with a little brother, but the reality is that he will be an only child. There are too many reasons to not, compared to only a couple to have another

#1 - I will be 40 next month. Yes, there is a history on both sides of my family for late in life babies (my grandma had my uncle at 41, my great - grandmother had all 3 of her kids after 40). However, my age does not make conception easy.

#2 - We would very likely have to use ART again. Our last experience with IVF was not ideal. We have an amazing son, but no leftover embryos. Plus, the treatments were very hard on my body. Knowing all of this, there's no guarantee that it would even work. I don't have any extra money let alone e $8,000 - $20,000+ that it would cost.

#3 - Money aside, TTC is emotionally very hard. What kind of mom would I be to Nathan if I was on the TTC roller coaster? We have so little time together as it is that I want it to be meaningful.

#4 - So lets's go back to money, kids are expensive. We're barely scraping by now. Daycare costs are killing us. We pay $1200 a month for child care alone, add to that the other general costs (clothing, etc) and we are broke. There's no way that we can afford child care for another child. Nor can one of us afford to stay home.

#5 - Possible loss. There's no way to know if our miscarriage was a one time thing.

And there you have it, a very pragmatic approach to not TTC. Am I convincing you, or me?

I'm definitely okay with being "one & done" but that doesn't mean that pregnancy announcements don't still hurt. It's funny, I always thought that once you conquered infertility that feeling would go away. It doesn't

Not to be a downer, please let me share with you a photo of my awesome dude & his amazing mom:

- Posted from my iPad


Angela said...

I know a few wonderful only childs and married one. There are advantages and disadvantages both ways and you have some well thought out reasons for your decision. No one can shape your family for you- you know what is right- so ptewie to anyone who would try to say how it should be! One thing I've appreciated about my only child husband is that he is not competitive and always tries to work together. He knows the values of peace and stillness. I've learned a lot from him.

Mandy said...

I agree that this is a super "nobody's business but yours" issue. Nobody outside of your family knows what is best for it. I can't say anything regarding your finances, either, obviously. But it feels to me, from reading this (and I may be very wrong), that you may be trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. I think just be sure your choice is coming from a place of certainty about what is right for your family; not from a place of fear. Nobody wants to be haunted by that awful "what if?" feeling. I hope that's not over-stepping...if it is, I apologize. (Love the picture! lol)

Yuppy Mom said...

Thanks Mandy. No need to apologize. I admit that definitely miss being pregnant, and if we had more time then a second may be in the cards for us. However, as someone who is often described as being "pragmatic", it just doesn't make sense for us. We can only downsize so much and and don't have the luxury of time to wait until Nathan is in school to try again. I'm definitely okay with him being an only child. We would have to make some pretty extreme sacrifices otherwise and that would affect his future.

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